2009 Audie Award Winners!

I promise a nice, long chatty post later about what I've been doing during my Blogosphere Break, but first I have to say that, in addition to being a bad blogger, I also really suck as a fangirl. If it wasn't for an email from Phil G today (SQUEE!), who knows when I would have remembered to check the results of last nights Audie Awards! DOH!

Anyway, note the winner in the Romance book category-- uh-huh, that's right, Mr. Eargasm himself, Phil Gigante, for his brilliant narration performance of Karen Marie Moning's The Dark Highlander (the one with Dageus MacKeltar and Chloe Zanders)!!

Although, as I've said before, they really should have created a whole new Series Narration category so he could win that one too. Right along with Johanna Parker. Oh, have I mentioned that I'm a Phil G. fangirl? Hmmm... I might have had a thing or two to say about him here and here, here, here, here, and here, oh and here, here, here, and here.

As an audio book enthusiast (and in the interest of fairness), I want to congratulate ALL the deserving nominees. But really, there can't be too many other narrators that have fangirl groupies swooning over them, can there?



Here's a few of the categories and winners. For the complete list, go to The Audio Publisher's Association (APA) site (which should have them posted soon) or, as I did, go to AudioFile Magazine's Audies page.


CHILDREN’S TITLES FOR AGES 8-12
The Cricket in Times Square, by George Selden, Narrated by Tony Shalhoub, Macmillan Audio
Fairest, by Gail Carson Levine, Narrated by Sarah Naughton and a full cast, Full Cast Audio
WINNER: The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman, Narrated by Neil Gaiman, HarperAudio
One-Handed Catch, by M.J. Auch, Narrated by Ryan Sparkes and a full cast, Full Cast Audio
Nation, by Terry Pratchett, Narrated by Stephen Briggs, HarperAudio

CLASSIC
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain, Narrated by Grover Gardner, Blackstone Audio,Inc.
The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas, Narrated by John Lee, Blackstone Audio, Inc.
Galapagos, by Kurt Vonnegut, Narrated by Jonathan Davis, Audible, Inc.
WINNER: Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, Narrated by Simon Vance, Tantor Media
The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde, Narrated by Simon Vance, Blackstone Audio, Inc.

HISTORY
The Bloody Shirt, by Stephen Budiansky, Narrated by Phil Gigante, Brilliance Audio
WINNER: Gandhi and Churchill, by Arthur Herman, Narrated by John Curless, Recorded Books
The Ghost Mountain Boys: Their Epic March and the Terrifying Battle for New Guinea – The Forgotten War of the South Pacific, by James Campbell, Narrated by Stephen Hoye, Tantor Media
The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family, by Annette Gordon-Reed, Narrated by Karen White, Tantor Media
Pictures at a Revolution: Five Movies and the Birth of the New Hollywood, by Mark Harris, Narrated by Lloyd James, Tantor Media

MULTI–VOICED PERFORMANCE
Family Audio Bible, Narrated by Dick Cavett, Marsha Mason, Andrew McCarthy, Martha Plimpton and Tom Wopat, HarperAudio
WINNER: Mudbound, by Hillary Jordan, Narrated by Joey Collins, Peter Jay Fernandez, Kate Forbes, Ezra Knight, Brenday Pressley and Tom Stechschulte, Recorded Books
The Plague of Doves, by Louise Erdrich, Narrated by Peter Francis James and Kathleen McInerney, HarperAudio
The Word of Promise®: Next Generation-New Testament, by Various Authors, Narrated by Sean Astin and a full cast including Codey Linley, AnnaSophia Robb and Jordin Sparks, Thomas Nelson, Inc

MYSTERY
A Killing Frost, by R. D. Wingfield, Narrated by Stephen Thorne, Ulverscroft Group Ltd
Cross, by Ken Bruen, Narrated by Gerry O'Brien, Ulverscroft Group Ltd
The Silver Swan, by Benjamin Black, Narrated by Timothy Dalton, Macmillan Audio
Swan Peak, by James Lee Burke, Narrated by Will Patton, Simon & Schuster Audio
WINNER: Voice of the Violin, by Andrea Camilleri, Narrated by Grover Gardner, Blackstone Audio, Inc.

NARRATION BY THE AUTHOR or AUTHORS
Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter, Random House Audio
Joshilyn Jackson, The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, Hachette Audio
Cokie Roberts, Ladies of Liberty, HarperAudio
WINNER: David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, Hachette Audio
Maria Shriver, Just Who Will You Be? HyperionAudio

POLITICS — JUDGES AWARD
Descent into Chaos, by Ahmed Rashid, Narrated by Arthur Morey, Brilliance Audio
WINNER: Hot, Flat, and Crowded, by Thomas Friedman, Narrated by Oliver Wyman, Macmillan Audio
Mike's Election Guide, by Michael Moore, Narrated by Michael Moore, Hachette Audio
The War Within, by Bob Woodward, Narrated by Boyd Gaines, Simon & Schuster Audio
The Way of the World, by Ron Suskind, Narrated by Alan Sklar, HarperAudio

ROMANCE
WINNER: The Dark Highlander, by Karen Marie Moning, Narrated by Phil Gigante, Brilliance Audio
Fire Me Up, by Katie MacAlister, Narrated by Barbara Rosenblat, Recorded Books
Forbidden, by Suzanne Brockmann, Narrated by Traci Svensgaard, Blackstone Audio, Inc.
Mismatch, by Tami Hoag, Narrated by Jen Taylor, BBC Audiobooks America
Tribute, by Nora Roberts, Narrated by Jennifer Van Dyck, Brilliance Audio

SCIENCE FICTION/FANTASY
WINNER: Calculating God, by Robert J. Sawyer, Narrated by Jonathan Davis, Audible, Inc.
Childhood's End, by Arthur C. Clarke, Narrated by Eric Michael Summerer, Audible, Inc.
Ghost Radio, by Leopoldo Gout, Narrated by Pedro Pascal, HarperAudio
Skybreaker, by Kenneth Oppel, Narrated by David Kelly, Full Cast Audio
Sunrise Alley, by Catherine Asaro, Narrated by Hillary Huber, Blackstone Audio, Inc.

TEENS
Burn Journals, by Brent Runyon, Narrated by Christopher Evan Welch, Recorded Books
The Compound, by S. A. Bodeen, Narrated by Christopher Lane, Brilliance Audio
WINNER: Curse of the Blue Tattoo, by L.A. Meyer, Narrated by Katherine Kellgren, Listen & Live Audio
Fairest, by Gail Carson Levine, Narrated by Sarah Naughton, Full Cast Audio
Paper Towns, by John Green, Narrated by Dan John Miller, Brilliance Audio
The Uprising, by Margaret P. Haddix, Narrated by Suzanne Toren, Recorded Books

THRILLER/SUSPENSE
Blue Heaven, by C.J. Box, Narrated by John Bedford Lloyd, Macmillan Audio
WINNER: Child 44, by Tom Rob Smith, Narrated by Dennis Boutsikaris, Hachette Audio
Executive Privilege, by Phillip Margolin, Narrated by Jonathan Davis, HarperAudio
The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman, Narrated by Neil Gaiman, HarperAudio
Sweetheart, by Chelsea Cain, Narrated by Carolyn McCormick, Macmillan Audio

AUDIOBOOK OF THE YEAR
Brisingr by Christopher Paolini, read by Gerard Doyle, published by Listening Library
WINNER: The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, read by the author, published by HarperAudio
A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father by Augusten Burroughs, read by the author, published by Macmillan Audio

Distinguished Achievement in Production
WINNER: Curse of the Blue Tattoo by L.A. Meyer, read by Katherine Kellgren, published by Listen & Live Audio
Fairest by Gail Carson Levine, read by Sarah Naughton and a full cast, published by Full Cast Audio
Many Things Invisible by Carrington MacDuffie, read by the author, published by Blackstone Audio
The New Adventures of Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer by various authors, read by Stacy Keach and a full cast, published by Blackstone Audio
Louis Vuitton Soundwalk: Shanghai read by Joan Chen, published by Soundwalk

About Audio Publishers Association (APA)

The Audio Publishers Association (APA) is a not-for-profit trade organization whose primary goals are to promote awareness of the audiobook industry, gather and disseminate industry statistics, encourage high production standards and represent the interests of audiobook publishers. Since 1986, the APA has worked to bring audio publishers together to increase interest in audiobooks. Please visit www.audiopub.org for more information.

Just Sayin'...

You can imagine my reaction when I received this from Charlaine... so, um... are your ears are still ringing from The Fangirl Squee Heard 'Round the World? **



** Confused? Click here.

*WINNER* Blue Diablo Contest

Ann Aguirre - Blue Diablo, Corine Solomon book 1

And the winner is...

KRISTEN

Contact azteclady1 at gmail dot com ASAP with your physical address so she can mail your book. CONGRATS!

It's a Wrap: Ann Aguirre's Reader Blog Tour and Contest

Ann Aguirre - Blue Diablo, Corine Solomon book 1

Yes, that's right, in between her world travels and calls to the gas company, Ann Aguirre has been doing a whirlwind Reader Blog Tour that ends right here before she jets off to RT Con in Orlando.

Ah well, last week I finally gave up and cancelled my hotel reservations for RT Con (I had reserved suites at two different hotels just in case I ended up going). So, since I won't be meeting Ann in person after all (or you either, AZL), I'm at least lucky enough that she's stopping by today to share a bit of warm Chocolate Lava Cake... à la Mode... sprinkled with nuts (Yep, it's that good).

Read on to find out how you can also be lucky enough to enjoy a copy of Ann's urban fantasy, Blue Diablo, or if you've already read it, watch for Ann's alternate prize.

But first, Ann dishes about Corine's sex life (note Ann's casting choices that I want to disagree with SO badly)...

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By now, many of you will have read Blue Diablo. (If you haven´t, what are you waiting for?!) That means I can discuss the book in a bit more detail than I have done previously in the tour. Yippee!

Since this is Bev´s blog, I´m going to talk about sex and relationships, or vice versa, maybe. [Bev: Whatever could you mean? ::bats eyes innocently::] In Blue Diablo, I explore the trope of lovers reunited or star-crossed lovers, if you will. That´s Corine and Chance.

She broke up with Chance eighteen months before the start of the book, believing he didn´t love her as much as she loved him. She felt as if he only maintained a relationship with her because it was convenient, and he wanted to profit from her gift. So she left him in the middle of the night, after an accident that nearly cost her life.

Chance represents many things to Corine: adventure, danger, excitement, potent sexual attraction. Blogger Katiebabs did a great job of describing him, in fact. Let me quote her briefly: ¨Chance is that seductive type of guy a woman would do anything for... a slick guy...¨

YA author Stacey Klemstein, also known as Stacey Kade, had the following to say about the book: ¨It was so REFRESHING to read something different but still an urban fantasy, if that makes sense. Also? Chance is HOT. His ability in particular or his luck, however you phrase it, was particularly intriguing because it was like nothing I'd ever heard of before. I'm totally 100% Chance. I like Jesse, too, don't get me wrong, and he's probably a better long term relationship choice, but...I have a thing for bad boys. Not that Chance is bad exactly, just more dangerous somehow.

I LOVE that about these characters too. Corine's gift is a gift but it hurts her and leaves her with physical marks. That, too, is something I'd never read before. And Chance is dangerous, not because you could get your heart stomped on, which is the usual kind of danger, but with his luck, you could end up being a victim. Basically, loving him could kill you.¨

She has totally hit the nail on the head, regarding the conflict inherent in their relationship. It´s not just that they have communication and trust issues (and they do). There are also real concerns about his gift. He nearly got Corine killed once before because of his luck, and it doesn´t have an off button. (You´ll need to read it to understand, and if you´ve already read it, good for you!)

As for Jesse, he represents safety and securty, home and earth. With Jesse Saldana, Corine could realize her dream of being normal, marrying into a family of ¨Gifted¨ humans, who have known about their abilities for many generations. She would have extended family, inlaws, cousins. This is stability. He represents everything she´s ever wanted. But is that what she wants, really? Should she make the safe choice?

Chance, on the other hand, has only secrets he hasn´t shared, including his real name and the identity of his father. He has a mother who is nearly as mysterious as he is, but with him, Corine will never have the sense of community and belonging she so fiercely desires. Is passion enough? Chance also has difficulty communicating and suffers from an inability to give of himself fully. In Blue Diablo, we see him struggle with that, and we see Corine´s reaction to his failure to meet her needs. But he loves her, desperately. It´s intense and bittersweet and heartbreaking at times.

As for sex, that will be handled differently in this series. Corine is a highly sexual woman, but she has enjoyed a series of one-night stands in Mexico, men she didn´t bother to get to know, and who fulfilled a physical need but not her emotional ones. Before she gives of herself again, she wants to know she´s found the person she can build a life with. That means she won´t be jumping in and out of bed, however much she may want to. No spur of the moment flings. She wants it to mean something, this time. She wants to be sure. That means there will be massive sexual tension before this thing is resolved and her heart is won.

Readers are asking me who she will choose. I honestly don´t know. A few them are surprising me by naming Kel or Booke as possible love interests. Well, I never intended that, but I honestly don´t know how her story ends. That´s part of the joy in writing: finding out.

What do you guys think? I invite you to speculate on who she might end up with and argue for your favorite. If you haven´t read it, you can pick someone at random. A random commenter will win a copy of Blue Diablo (if the winner hasn´t read it yet.) If the winner has read it, I´ll buy them any paperback they want that also costs $6.99.

And chat on!

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Contest Rules:
Leave a comment INCLUDING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS to have a chance at winning.

Contest lasts 24 hours and the winner will be randomly selected and announced here on this post tomorrow. Winner will also be contacted via email, and a valid email address must be provided for the comment to be entered in the giveaway. Good luck!!

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Thank for visiting, Ann, and thanks to the wild and glue-crazed Azteclady for arranging your visit. For what it's worth, I'm not sure who I think Corine should end up with (although, based on your casting pics, Jesse wins hands-down). You've left everything so deliciously open-ended. You gave us enough resolution to be satisfied for now, but I can't wait for Corine to let me back into her world. So, how long DO we have to wait anyhow?!

A Few of My Favorite Things

No raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens, just a few things that have given me Teh Happy lately:

Ann Aguirre - Blue Diablo, Corine Solomon book 1

Category: Lava Cake - reads like warm Chocolate Lava Cake... à la Mode... sprinkled with nuts (A,A-)
Flame Height: 3.5" out of 9"

Today is the offical release date for Ann Aguirre's Blue Diablo. Yes, I read the eArc, but this one's a keeper and I'll be buying the print too.

In case you haven't seen it yet, head over to Ann Aguirre's site to download her April newsletter (or you can join her Google group to read it). Why? Because AztecLady, who creates the newsletter, was apparently crafting with some of Tracy's glue and asked me to contribute a short piece on Urban Fantasy heroines.

Here's the section of that article that pertains specifically to Blue Diablo (quoting myself. heh.):

You know how you’ll often hear a guy referred to as “a man’s man”? Well Corine is “a woman’s woman” that I couldn’t help but identify and empathize with.

Ann has given us a heroine who’s more BFF than avatar. She’ll have your back in a bar fight; but she won’t be bailing you out of jail because she’ll drag your butt out from under the bar and through the window before the cops ever get there. She loves food, drinks, and damns her hips. Corine sometimes has to bite her tongue to hold back inappropriate comments, and sometimes she doesn’t bother to hold back. She gets horny and gets satisfied, whether alone or with someone else—unless she’s denying herself to prove a point. She unabashedly appreciates a nice helping of eye candy. And, oh yeah, she also happens to possess a few paranormal gifts that have kept her on the run most of her life and get her involved with other not-quite-normal characters. Those other characters include her ex-boyfriend, Chance, who’s complicating her life again, but still needs to prove to Corine that he’s not just offering lip service (in more ways than one).

Within just a few moments of meeting Corine I eagerly followed her away from my world and into hers. Is there anything better than feeling reality slip away as you settle into a great book? Blue Diablo reminded me why I love to read, and Corine reminded me why I love to read Ann Aguirre’s characters.

Really, I could go on and on about Ann's new type of Urban Fantasy heroine but that quote pretty much sums up why Blue Diablo really is as nummy as "warm Chocolate Lava Cake... à la Mode... sprinkled with nuts".

Read more about it here. And while you're on Ann's Site, check out her blog's sidebar to see all the stops in her Blue Diablo blog tour- she'll be here on April 20th. She's giving a copy of Blue Diablo away at each stop of the tour!

Piquant Opines: Book Smugglers, Darque Reviews, Rosie, Katiebabs, RT

Have you read this book? Feel free to review or link to a review in the comments. Even if you don't agree!

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American Idol- or more specifically, Adam Lambert (at right in pic) and his opening acts Kris Allen (left), and Allison Iraheta (center). Okay, I'll add Matt Giraud in 4th place, but I think Danny Gokey and Lil Rounds are overrated and not unique enough. Same goes for Anoop Desaii, but I never did get Scott MacIntyre's appeal. Alexis Grace should have been part of my top 4 or 5.

However Adam is the one I wait for each week, the rest just entertain me while I'm waiting to see what he'll do next. The term "gifted" gets thrown around way too often, but this kid truly does possess a gift. What I find hilarious is the non-scandal that occurred when he was "outted" (can you out someone who's already out?). Straight men do NOT sing Cher songs! DUH! Nothing shocking going on here people, move along.

The best way to describe his voice is that he's the luv child that resulted when Steven Tyler, Sam Harris, and Freddy Mercury got together and gang-inseminated a drag queen Liza Minelli impersonator. Yeah, sometimes he's over the top (an Indian influenced Ring of Fire, Adam? Seriously?! Holy Shit, Dude!). But what a gift he has! This kind of singer rarely comes along. And when he reigns it in and keeps complete control of his gift, the results can be unforgettably brilliant (although I'm not too crazy about the Elvis/Dean Cain look instead of his edgier look):

What's odd though is that the iTunes downloadable studio version is overproduced instead of haunting and stripped down like he did it live. My guess is that he was allowed more control over the live version.

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Season 3 of The Tudors on Showtime- although it's scheduled rather oddly since the promoted episodes are available On-Demand about a week EARLIER than the promotion date. So, even though the the first episode of season 3 just aired this past Sunday, I've already watched the second episode On-Demand. Go figure.

Anyway, I mentioned before that each episode is like an Oscar-worthy movie, but have I mentioned that I have a complete Cougar Lust Crush on Henry Cavill who plays Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk? Fortunately, his character has only had a loose connection to the real life Duke of Suffolk, so I don't have much advance knowledge of what happens to him in the series. But DAYUM, I could nom him!

nomnomnomnomnom

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I haven't quite decided if this next bit of news gives me Teh Happy or not. Back in November 2008, I posted that IFC (Independent Film Channel) had commissioned Lionsgate to develop a TV pilot based on the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton.

Well, on March 31, 2009, the official announcement was released that the project is on IFC's schedule for Summer 2010. This LKH blog post contains several links to the announcement details. However I'm still trying to wrap my head around this being an IFC project. Yet Lionsgate is no lightweight in the industry, so this could be interesting or a disaster, particularly in light of the following section of the press release (bold WTF-ery emphasis added by me):

“‘Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter’ marks the first time in IFC tv’s history that we have created a fictional feature film for the network. IFC is appealing to its core base of men ages 18-34 who are looking for vampire content. The popularity of the network in this demographic indicates that there is a clear demand for films that delve into provocative topics and nothing is more classically provocative than vampire lore” said Jennifer Caserta, EVP and general manager of IFC tv. “Anita Blake fits perfectly with our successful original programming.”

“Laurell has created a fascinating heroine in Anita Blake and we quickly recognized the onscreen potential for this vivid character,” said Kevin Beggs, Lionsgate’s president of television programming and production. “We have an outstanding creative team and are excited to be moving forward with IFC, which will allow us to fully explore the complex world of Laurell’s highly intriguing and erotically charged novels.”

See what I mean? Are they mixing up the later books with the earlier books and producing one-handed viewing for the ComicCon crowd? BTW, I always thought that vampires were more popular with women.

So will this be entertaining or a clusterfuck... or possibly an entertaining clusterfuck?

Castelnuovo, Italy

Some of you may remember that my oldest daughter spent the fall semester (2007) of her junior year in college living in Rome right outside the Vatican walls and studying at Pontifical Urbaniana University within Vatican City (I think I have that name right).

The first three weeks that her study abroad group spent in Italy was in their advisor's hometown of Castelnuovo. While there, in addition to intense Italian language lessons, they explored the countryside, hiked a couple of mountains, and spent a day playing in the Aegean Sea.

The people of Castelnuovo and the surrounding towns like L'Aquila welcomed those kids with open arms and she will always have fond memories of her time there.

Right now, her professor is on personal leave in Italy (outside of the Castelnuovo area) to be with her dying mother. While everyone's prayers are with her during this time, it turns out that it also saved her and any new study abroad students from being in Castelnuovo during the earthquake that has killed so many and destroyed so much.

My daughter and every student that has been part of her college's Vatican studies program mourn with the residents there every time they hear of another death or see a picture showing the rubble of another building they became so familiar with, such as the apartment building they lived in and its adjacent restaurant, and the church where they attended Mass every week.

Most moving of all however, was the picture of Bianca, a neighbor's lovable pet whom they all spent time playing with, searching through the rubble for its missing owners.

We humans are odd creatures, aren't we? All the human grief and loss, yet it is a picture of a forlorn pet that has the most emotional impact illustrating the losses in that devastated area.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the people of Castelnuovo and the surrounding areas.

Save the Contemporary Romance?

Oh HELL NO!

AAAAAHHHHHHH... Make the bad words go away!!!!!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

As I said previously, THREE out of the five books I’m judging for this year’s Passionate Plumes are Contemporary Romances.

Book one is from an author whose paranormal I judged VERY highly before. But this Contemp? Not so much. The heroine female lead has a nasty personal hygiene problem. After a double penetration ménage scene that involved condoms and copious amounts of lube, she pulls on her clothes and leaves. After another scene that involved anal sex and no condom, she again merely pulled her clothes on and left. Then came the complete gross out scene— after an entire night of marathon sweaty sex, her alarm goes off in HER HOUSE, and she gets up, gets dressed and goes to work.

Now, I can hear you saying, “Bev, REALLY, do you honestly expect an author to detail every trip to the bathroom?” No, no I don’t. However, when an author describes in great detail every little thing the female lead does—from what drawer she pulled clothes out of to what she pulled out of each drawer and what color each item was- I think it’s reasonable to expect at least a brief mention that this woman also stopped by the bathroom to finish getting ready. I mean, they were awake BEFORE the alarm and she got out of bed as soon as it went off, so it’s not plausible that she was too rushed to pop into the bathroom to hose herself down. Instead, this author had the heroine pulling on each item of clothing as she talked to the hero and then rushing downstairs to feed her dog (I’ve chosen to presume she had a doggie door and the poor dog wasn’t expected to hold it all night and all day) and then out the door to work. At no point did she make ANY stops to take a shower, comb her hair, or even wash off. Note that there was also NO TEETH BRUSHING either and this skanky smelling woman WENT TO WORK THAT WAY! EEEEWWWWWWW! Can you imagine working beside this oozing spooge queen all day?!

However, I DID make it through the book because the storyline wasn’t completely awful. Mind you, it wasn’t great, and I’d have a tough time calling it good, but it wasn’t awful. On the Passionate Plume Judging Scale of 1 to 9, I gave it a 5.8. I think I would let it just barely slip into the bottom (heh) of my M&Ms category with a Flame Height of 7” out of 9”. Wait, I take that back, the hygiene issue was a complete turn-off so I’m deducting Flame Height for that. So let’s say 6.5” out of 9” Flame Height.

I decided to break up the Contemporaries with the two Historicals between each of them. They are both by the same author and are books 2 and 3 of a series. I finished the first historical (book 2 of the series) and it really wasn’t bad- VERY erotic and definitely pushes the envelope for mainstream press. If it was from an epub, I’d say it probably would receive one of their higher heat or flame ratings. As for the storyline, I often felt like chunks of the story were missing. Not characters or info from the previous book that I haven’t read, but sections that would help make more sense of the plot of THIS book seemed to be missing and I often felt like I’d walked into the middle of a conversation or scene. All in all though, I liked the characters despite their professed arousal at body odors (Yes, I’ll cut the historical SOME slack about hygiene), and I was COMPLETELY surprised by the identity of the villain and their motivations. So, this one gets scored 6.8 out of 9, and I’d place it firmly in my M&Ms category with a Flame Height of 8” out of 9”.

But then I picked up the third book (second Contemporary Romance) I needed to judge. Oh Great Balls of Badness! By page 22 I had already chalked the book off as a DNF at least three times. Let me repeat—BY PAGE TWENTY-FREAKIN-TWO, I had already REPEATEDLY fought back the overwhelming urge to flush this craptastic tome down the toilet. But I didn’t want to fuck up the plumbing so here it sits and the thought of picking it back up causes gagging dry heaves in much the same way that the thought of drinking any more of the GALLON of thick, slimy, salty bowel prep before my December colonoscopy did.

The premise is silly; the coincidences absurd- a woman who can’t achieve orgasm decides to try uninhibited sex with a stranger AND DOESN’T USE A CONDOM. And oh yeah, the stranger just HAPPENS to be the professor who will be teaching her upcoming sexuality class (of course she doesn’t know this yet) that her ex-boyfriend signed them up for before they broke up (I understand he shows up later in the book for a ménage). Yet, during this CONDOMLESS RIDE ON A STRANGER, she bumps and grinds but gets frustrated because she can’t reach the Big O with this guy either. Yet neither Ms. TSTL nor the Sexpert ever touch her magic luv button. HellooooOOOOO... the clit, the clitoris... ever hear of it Mr. Sexpert? Ever read Cosmo magazine, Ms. TSTL? Shit, even my kids’ health classes at a Catholic high school show the clitoris in their female genital illustrations.

Or wait, maybe the author is saying that women who can’t achieve orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation (which includes all but about 27% of women) are sexually dysfunctional. Hmmm... or maybe the author doesn’t have a clue WTF she’s writing about.

At this point I was desperate and hit the interwebs to find out if there was ANY chance- even an eentsy, weentsy one- that this sludge heap got less stinky if I could just force myself to read further. Okay, as expected the usual culprits are saying it’s one of the Best.Books.Ever. in exchange for being quoted in print. And RT gave it 4 stars (WTF?), but what’s REALLY scary is that the last Contemp I need to judge was only given 3 STARS by RT! ::*meep*:: So if this fecal matter is a FOUR STAR, then speaking in relative terms, the last Contemp WILL be flushed and damn the plumbing bill! Or there’s some m/m interaction in it. Because when it comes to m/m, an RT 3 star is the equivalent to a straight romance’s 4 or 4.5 star. ::*sigh*:: Somehow I doubt I’ll be that lucky.

A search through my Google Reader subscriptions turned up only one “regular” blogger who mentioned this piece of crapola- Kati and she gave it a D+. So, I’m assuming it doesn’t get any better and I don’t know WHAT I’m going to do about this book. And how the hell am I going to get through that LAST Contemp? NO ONE in my Gooogle Reader has reviewed it! But the blurb sounds like it might lean toward romantic suspense so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. At least I should be able to get through the last historical since it’s a sequel to the other historical I read.

In the meantime, these books had almost completely wiped out ANY urge I had to read. Now keep in mind that I haven’t read an entire book in TWO FREAKING MONTHS (just bits of anthologies) so I SHOULD have been open to ANYTHING and devoured it like a ravenous beast. THIS WAS NOT GOOD, PEOPLE!

But I had one hope and I had deprived myself long enough. In case of emergency, open eARC. GOD BLESS ANN AGUIRRE! Within just the first few pages of Blue Diablo, I said to myself, “THIS is why I love to read.” Seriously, I’ll write my full review shortly (Ann will be guest-blogging here on April 20th), but my mental movie reel started up right away and allowed me to escape the awful Contemps. And it hasn’t stopped (Yes, Jen and MB, I’m a dork). Even though I have had to frequently put Blue Diablo down and tend to other matters ::grrrr::, the movie stays in Pause mode in my head just waiting for me to hit the Play button again. No, wait, that’s not quite right... it’s also as if I need to hurry back to it so I don’t miss anything. Okay, I realize that probably makes more sense in my head. Nonetheless, halfway through and DAYUM I’m enjoying the hell outta this one! Like I’ve said before, I’m not able to read many ebooks on my PDA anymore, but this one is well worth the risk of eye strain. Unfortunately, I had a queen sized headache all day yesterday and didn't dare try to look at that screen.

However, I STILL don’t know how I’m going to be able to read those last two Contemps, but right now I couldn’t care less because, even though it APPEARS that I’m sitting here in front of my computer in the Land O’ the Grey (NE Ohio), the truth is that I’ve escaped to Mexico and Texas. See ya in Laredo!

Another Secret Revealed!

moar funny pictures

I'm guest blogging over at the DIK Ladies blog today talking about... well... DIKs! Oh, and Secret Coves. And there are hot menz involved.

Intrigued? Click here.

True Life True Blood

Well, this is an interesting exclusive interview from TV Guide via Popeater today:

True Blood's True Romance

True Blood stars Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin say it’s true love. The pair—who play romantically linked 173-year-old vampire Bill Compton and telepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse on the HBO series—have confirmed they are dating. “We are together,” Moyer told TV Guide Magazine exclusively on the True Blood set—right after finishing an intense scene where Bill and Sookie have a major lover’s quarrel.

Moyer and Paquin’s real-life romance first sparked at the True Blood audition, but the couple decided to wait to go public. “The reason it was dodged last year was very intentional on both our parts,” says Moyer. “It was very important to me that the cast and crew we were working with didn’t feel it was fickle, and didn’t feel it could possibly potentially encroach on their lives, you know, just like, ‘Oh the two stars are having a thing.’ We didn’t want to take anything away from the show. The show is the star, not the two people having a relationship.”

So where is this romance going? Well, it seems Moyer, 37, and Paquin, 26, are living together—at least on this side of the pond. Moyer, who is British, divides his time between Los Angeles and London where he has two young children from a previous relationship. “It’s just exciting and that was there from day one,” Moyer says. “We always take the piss out of each other and are silly with each other and it is great. We’re very, very happy. She’s the best.” —Kate Hahn

I imagine gettin' it on for the cameras every week let's you get to know someone fairly quick. I wish them all the luck in the world, but how many times have we seen serial monogamists in the acting community who find a new "true love" on each different project.

Having said that, I can't help but wonder if producer Ball will luck out and this real life romance will start hitting the skids, as Hollywood romances usually do, about the time that Bill and Sookie part company. Wouldn't THAT make for some genuine scenes! I know... my bad.

The Best Laid Plans

see more crazy cat pics

"I am determined to not read another book until I've got my sidebars updated including writing QB's Commentaries and updating my index for all the books I've read in the past few months!"

‘memba that proclamation in the last post? Uh... I probably should have checked the calendar first. SOOOO can’t happen this time of year!

You see, once again I have the honor of being a first round judge for the Passionate Plumes, awarded by Passionate Ink, the erotic romance chapter of the Romance Writers of America (RWA). Results of the first round voting will be announced sometime in April, with the final results announced at RWA National Conference in Washington D.C. July 15-18, 2009.

I’ve been really lucky so far and have only received books in my #1 ranked genre, Paranormal. This year, however, I received NO paranormals. Instead I received two of my #2 ranked Historicals (in print), and THREE of my #4 ranked Contemporaries (1 ebook, 2 print, all appear to be menages). I don’t know if that means there was a dearth of Paranormals this year (say it ain’t so!), or there was an overabundance of Contemporaries and everyone got some, or if there is really any significance at all to the genre I received.

To be fair, I did select a preference for print if possible and that might have something to do with it. I figured anything to prevent more strain on my eyes, right? But then again, last year I selected “No Preference” and received paranormals in print. Maybe it’s just a spin of the wheel.

As big an honor as it is to be a first round Passionate Plumes judge, I still have to quibble with the way they categorize the books. I just don’t think the categories make sense:

_ Contemporary
_ Historical
_ Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi
_ Paranormal / Time Travel
_ Novella

It seems to me that “Futuristic/Sci-fi/Time Travel” should be together and “Paranormal/Fantasy” should be together. Actually, Paranormal and Fantasy might even be separate categories. But the real puzzler for me is that NOVELLA is a genre category. HUH? Doesn’t that just refer to the LENGTH? So how can I say whether I do or do not want novellas when it would depend on the genre/theme/subject matter/whatever?

Really, it’s almost impossible to rank my preferences, so this is what I ended up sending in:

4- Contemporary- (rank 1-2 if m/m)
2- Historical
3- Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi (Fantasy rank= 1-2; Futuristic Sci-Fi rank=5)
1- Paranormal / Time Travel (TT rank= 3-4)
-- Novella- Yes, ranked within the above genre rankings

Yeah, I know, confusing. But then so are the PP categories.

Anyway, back to the books. I really am not too crazy about straight Contemporaries, yet here I am with THREE of the things to read. And not even just three Contemporaries, but apparently three M/F/M ménage Contemporaries, so there might not be much variety among them. RUH-OH! Ironically, the Contemporary ebook and the two Historicals are written by authors whose PARANORMAL stories I’ve enjoyed in the past; in fact I previously judged the ebook author’s Paranormal with a very high score in a previous PP year. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad omen.

But, because I take the honor of judging for the PP awards VERY seriously, I am determined to keep an open mind and judge each book on its own merits again this year. So to help facilitate that happening I plan to read a Contemporary, then a Historical, then Contemporary, Historical, Contemporary. Last year I received a book about Demons, Dragons, and Angels. Any ONE of those themes would have had me running the other way, but I kept an open mind and was surprised by a strong, enjoyable story.

If I start to feel overloaded on Contemporary ménages, I’m going to use that as a perfect excuse to take time out and read the ARC for Ann Aguirre’s Blue Diablo that I’ve been denying myself the pleasure of for far too long. Unfortunately, I’m about to start end of month work crunch again, so I don’t know how far I’ll get on any of these books until I’m done with that.