Friday, May 25, 2007

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News...

I received this in an email from my brother-in-law a little while ago. THIS is my LIFE!! GAK!!! Oh, my tasks may differ (I mean, where's the internet "Let me just take a minute to check this site" A.A.A.D.D.) but essentially, it's what life is like for me in a nutshell. What's really pitiful is that up until about a year ago, I was the queen of multitasking. How depressing (and slightly scary, too)! I wonder if anyone has done a study of whether menopause fucks with your brain through hot flashes burning off important brain cells. ACK!!

"Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: The car isn't washed. The bills aren't paid. There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter. The flowers don't have enough water. There is still only one check in my check book. I can't find the remote. I can't find my glasses. And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm totally exhausted. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!"


LissaNY said...

Throw in a few thousand "Stop picking on your sisters/brother", "Get your scrawny butts out of that" and "Yes, I'll get you something to eat" and you'd be describing my day too!

QB said...

Well, at least you have the excuse of 3 little rugrats!

Ann(ie) said...

Bahahaha, that's AWESOME. At what age does this set in? Because I think I might have it too.

QB said...

Nah, Annie, you've got little kids like Lissa does, so you've got a built in excuse. It's when you have NO excuse except your failing brain cells that that story REALLY hits home! ACK!