A Little Whine, A Little Karma

I have a wonderful husband. I love him with every cell in my body. And I KNOW he loves me just as deeply. Even after 26 years together, we STILL would rather hang out with each other than anyone else, and we still can't keep our hands off each other. I have healthy, beautiful babies. Okay, technically they haven't been babies for a long time, but they will always be MY babies. My husband is a cancer survivor (non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Type B), and other than that, we've all been pretty damn healthy. Although if I don't get my shit together and stop smoking and drop some of this weight I've put on, that could (and probably will) change. I have a life that, while certainly not stress-free, does not bury me under the stress and burdens that most people live with every day. I am truly Blessed and thank God for it every day, while at the same time I live in constant fear of tragedy because I haven't done a damn thing to deserve ANY of these Blessings.

So there is absolutely no good reason for me to be feeling sorry for my pathetic self all day today! I'm talking a real woe-is-me wallow in self pity.

I'm pretty sure I just woke up in a plain ol' pissy mood. And it went downhill from there. Trivial shit that I shouldn't have even noticed had me gritting my teeth. Then, by the time I popped on line earlier today, I was pretty much feeling thoroughly anti-social. So much so that it didn't take much for me to spiral into a disgraceful tail spin...

WARNING: The following paragraphs are basically the equivalent of listening to me sing the "Nobody likes me, Everybody hates me, Guess I'll eat some worms..." song. Feel free to skip down to the Blog Karma section of this post.

I still lurk from time to time on a certain successful author's board and I really miss joining in on all the fun over there. It was like I had found a nest of kindred spirits. But, as some of you may remember, my commentary here on my blog (I did not mention it on that board) about a certain fledgling author's book did not express "This is the best book EVAH!" sentiments and, after fledgling author complained about it on successful author's board, many of the regular posters joined her in vilifying the reviewer. At the time, I don't THINK the other posters realized I was the villain. But since then, I know some DO now know and not one has contacted me to say "OOPS". I can't really fault them- they were just being honest in their opinions about someone who didn't love fledgling author's book, just as I was being honest in my commentary. So, since I have to assume that that is how they REALLY feel about someone who didn't love the book, I also have to assume that I, as the author of that review, am no longer welcomed by most of the regular board posters. Although, there are a couple that have kept in touch with me outside the board- which means a LOT. But I really miss the other women too and all the fun and sisterhood on the board.

And to add to my pity party, I'm all paid up for the get together weekend successful author is hosting for authors and fans in September. I don't do well in large groups of strangers. I know that online, I'm dropping my two cents in all over the place, but in real life, unless I'm invited into a conversation, I usually assume I would be intruding. So, when I signed up to go to this shindig, I assumed that all the authors were staying at the small lodge where the shindig was to be held, and all the fans were staying at the hotels 12 miles away. It turned out that, of the regular board posters that are attending, nearly all are also staying at the lodge. Which meant that most of the people I'm familiar with would be part of the "inner circle" and I would be facing the dreaded room full of unknown strangers. I TRULY realize that, from their POV, it's a thrill and a privilege gained from their long term board status and friendship with successful author and I don't begrudge them that joy. Really, I'd be giddy too. But for someone on the outside of the "inner circle" it's very alienating and isolating. I know it's unintentional on their part and I doubt they even realize it. After I found all this out, I started to rethink my decision to attend. Then I realized that there would be other people there who hopefully would invite me into their groups and I WOULD be meeting up with the people I was familiar with from the board at least a few times.

Now I've returned to that dilemma. Do I go to this get together or not? There will be several authors there that I would REALLY love to meet. So the book signings will take up maybe 3 hours of the weekend (and it's a 5.5 - 6 hour drive alone each way for me). Oh, I'm fairly sure the board posters will still be civil to me if they happen to realize I'm there, but other than that I'm faced with about 150 strangers. Someone I'm still friendly with is going to one night of the get together, but it would hardly be fair to her to expect her to hang out with me when it means she couldn't also hang out with the rest of the board posters. Do I go to the dinners and parties and just plop myself down at a table where a group of strangers is sitting and hope they don't wonder why I'm bothering them by forcing myself into their group? Or do I just make sure to bring a bunch of books I haven't read yet so I can hang out back in my hotel room and read if I'm not feelin' the luv?

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GAK! I really hate being so socially awkward. It sucks big time. And I really feel like a fucking moron for feeling sorry for myself over something that, in the grand scheme of things, is pretty much insignificant

And to just add to my unjustified feeling that my life sucks, I needed comfort food for dinner and thawed out a huge chuck roast. Well when I went to put it in the oven , I discovered we were out of aluminum foil. You can't slow roast a chuck roast without covering it, dammit!

To make matters worse, I WAS OUT OF PEANUT M&MS!!! As I said in another post, I'm menopausal, I NEED my Peanut M&Ms!! Geesh, I was feeling so low I had to look up to see down! I didn't even want to read a book!!! Dear God, could this day get any worse?

Well, it turns out it DIDN'T get worse, in fact it got much better. About 4:30, my husband came home bearing aluminum foil. That meant we didn't eat until nearly 8 PM, but the wait was worth it. Shortly after I got the roast in the oven, I remembered that I still had some Peanut M&Ms left in the kids excess Easter stash. Life was beginning to look up.

Thanks to Blog Karma, though, it wasn't a completely shitty day...

♥ The other day, my Google Analytics showed a visit from vampirewire.blogspot.com so I popped over to see what it was. Well, it turns out that it's the blog of author Marta Acosta and she had quoted a little piece of my review of Shiloh Walker's Hunter's Salvation. First of all, her blog is really different. It's like a news sheet and, in addition to Marta's exclusive interviews, she also links to other items of (mostly vampire) interest in books, music, movies, etc. It's a fun place to hang out.

After some blog comments, we exchanged some emails and Marta generously offered to send me a couple of her books- HAPPY HOUR AT CASA DRACULA and MIDNIGHT BRUNCH. Since she mentioned that they are suitable for teens on up, I first made certain they weren't YA. I don't read YA. Ever. No matter how many people insist I will love a book. I have a house full of teens. I read to escape. To read YA would be a form of self flagellation.

But no, what she meant was that they don't have graphic erotic elements in them. Here's how she described them to me: "My books are romantic comedies, and the vampires are much more likely to make a biting comment than to bite. They're not undead, but people with a genetic anomaly that makes them sensitive to light and craving...uhm, blood. They're snobs, I'm afraid, and think my heroine is a tacky little social-climber. " Now, how could I resist THAT?! So, with full knowledge that I will give an honest commentary on them, Marta's publicist will be shipping me the books. Thank you Marta!

♥ And you know how much I luvs me some Annie Dean/Ann Aguirre, well she has started a newsletter and is channeling her inner Ron Popeil. Here's what she's up to now. Take a minute and read that, I'll wait. So, if you haven't already signed up, please do so now. I can personally attest to the fact that you never know what Annie will be up to next. Earlier today, I checked my email and there was an email from the newsletter saying the first person to reply wins a copy of her latest book Her Alibi. Well, it's on my Decadent Desires list and I'm looking forward to reading it. But wait, that email had been sitting out there awhile so I was probably too late. Oh, there's a second, more recent one! She's doing another round! WOO-HOO! I snagged a copy! Thanks Annie!

♥ While I'm slingin' some pimp around, have you run into anyone that participates in the Monday Poetry Train? I have to admit that I usually don't "get" poetry- I'm pretty sure that's somehow connected to that whole "born without a creative writing gene" thing. But every Monday Rhian and her Tribe post one of their original poems. Some of them I even understand! Like the poem about poop (I kid you not!) that one of the Tribe wrote (but I'm embarassed to say I don't remember who it was).

Let me just say that Rhian is one of those women that makes me feel completely inadequate in comparison. I almost feel like I should bow down before her while proclaiming "I'm not worthy!". She has immersed herself in a myriad of the creative arts through her own works as well as encouraging and mentoring other creative souls. She's also a successful businesswoman (and mother) and was recently honored as a Woman of the Year in Augusta. So why don't I hate her? Because she's warm, intelligent, caring, funny, and is the first to laugh at her own foibles! Gotta luv the Rhi!

Anyway, her poem this week is fan-freakin-tastic and blew me away. I forgot to ask her permission to copy it over here, so I'm linking to it and STRONGLY urge you to read it: Arrogant Ass. Does that not evoke an instant mental picture of an arrogant alpha asshole? Thank God I'm not married to one (but my DH is) although I've known a few and have seen more than a few in books. Damn that's good, Rhi!

♥ I just realized it's after midnight and thus the date has changed to July 19th. Kid#3/DD#2 is now 15. Happy Birthday MonkeyButt! I love you whether you like it or not (she IS 15, after all!)


You know, I wonder how much her approaching birthday contributed to my pity fest today? Their birthdays DO tend to make me emotional. Hopefully I'll have snapped out of it when I wake up in the morning. Hell, maybe I'll be feeling so well that I'll delete the whole woe-is-me section of this post, huh?